Putting off the 3d goggles for a while to ramble for a bit...
I'm starting to get that sick feeling in my stomach I used to get in elementary school when September would start rolling around. I can't believe I'll be going back to school in a week. ... I don't wanna go back to ugly saint louis.
Not that my life here is particularly all that great. Not these last two weeks staying up in this lab all by my lonesome self until the wee hours of the morning, coming home to a quiet house and if i run into them in the morning, glares of resentment from andrew and chang because I work too much and i have no more time and the romance is gone they say.
What annoys me the most about this hectic schedule is that it is eating away at my beautiful body. People keep telling me I'm getting skinnier and since I don't see evidence in that in my soft belly it must mean my huge muscles are atrophying. I eat breakfast super-late, get into work, starve myself until 7pm before I eat my lunch sandwich, then starve myself until 1 or 2 am when I finally get home. So my body is feeding off of my biceps and ultra-toned glute's for protein right up until I get home and stuff myself silly with my mom's carbs just before I go to bed. A win-win for mr soft belly.
This is annoying because I actually left school in somewhat decent shape. Seriously when I told people I was going to do "modeling" this summer, they thought I was going to do actual modeling. I was up to a personal best 10 chinups and now I can only do 8 but that's if I herniate something and I'm also about 10 pounds lighter than I was.
Anyway, back to my ramblings about school... that sick feeling in my stomach is actually somewhat mixed because I've discovered to my surprise that I in fact actually sort of kind of like school. I just hate being in Saint louis. But my brain is feeling pretty stagnant these days and I'm actually pretty excited to start learning some actual useful crap about organ systems and stuff instead of all the useless first year crap they've crammed down my throat. I actually enjoyed last year's material, but it was still completely useless foundation crap. So hopefully at this point next year after I score a 270 on my boards I might actually have some real knowledge the next time someone asks me a medical question.
I'd have to say what I enjoy more than anything about medical school so far is that it makes me feel smart. I know that sounds pretty goddamn shallow but hey, there really isn't much that's rewarding in your preclinical years.. the only patients we cure are actors.
Medical school makes you feel smart because they cram so much shit into your head that even though you know that 90% of it is brainless rote memorization bullshit, your head is swelling so much from the "knowledge" and you've paid so much tuition that you start to convince yourself that you're an elite educated being even though you're really worth about as much as the hair on a nurse's ass.
But really I think I kind of just enjoy taking classes and doing pretty well in them. Even though our grades are absolutely worthless in the long run, I like making my mom disproportionately happy when I tell her that I honored a tough class. At Stanford getting A's was easy enough but there were so many truly brilliant people at Stanford I could never feel like a "top" student. Med school is so much different. It's not that students are dumber necessarily. The average is probably smarter. But they're more like robots than brilliant thinkers. People just brute force memorize shit and spit it back out. Nobody ever cares about the why of things, or anything that isn't going to be on the test. Which really annoys me. I don't know how many times I've gotten "I don't know I just memorized it" as an answer to a question.
So I feel pretty smart in med school (so far). Which is really weird because I never feel smart back home. In fact I've never felt at all smart compared to any of my previous roommates or housemates. I always thought I had a shitty memory, and I remember before entering med school last year, promising myself I would study sooo hard, hoping I would be able to just scrape by.
Which brings me to my last point. I don't want to be ent anymore. The field itself seems really exciting and cool (pay is so-so) but the one thing I've realized this summer is that all of these bastards are a little too damned smart for my tastes. There is just way too much E, N and T to learn in 5 years. I've just gotten used to feeling good about myself pretending to be smart and I don't want to go back to being the village idiot again.
Which makes anesthesiology look better and better every day. My favorite line from an interest group lunch meeting speaker last year was "Board scores? Come on, we're anesthesiologists, we're not surgeons."
...
...
Song of the week- Plain White Tees - Hey There Delilah.mp3
Not that my life here is particularly all that great. Not these last two weeks staying up in this lab all by my lonesome self until the wee hours of the morning, coming home to a quiet house and if i run into them in the morning, glares of resentment from andrew and chang because I work too much and i have no more time and the romance is gone they say.
What annoys me the most about this hectic schedule is that it is eating away at my beautiful body. People keep telling me I'm getting skinnier and since I don't see evidence in that in my soft belly it must mean my huge muscles are atrophying. I eat breakfast super-late, get into work, starve myself until 7pm before I eat my lunch sandwich, then starve myself until 1 or 2 am when I finally get home. So my body is feeding off of my biceps and ultra-toned glute's for protein right up until I get home and stuff myself silly with my mom's carbs just before I go to bed. A win-win for mr soft belly.
This is annoying because I actually left school in somewhat decent shape. Seriously when I told people I was going to do "modeling" this summer, they thought I was going to do actual modeling. I was up to a personal best 10 chinups and now I can only do 8 but that's if I herniate something and I'm also about 10 pounds lighter than I was.
Anyway, back to my ramblings about school... that sick feeling in my stomach is actually somewhat mixed because I've discovered to my surprise that I in fact actually sort of kind of like school. I just hate being in Saint louis. But my brain is feeling pretty stagnant these days and I'm actually pretty excited to start learning some actual useful crap about organ systems and stuff instead of all the useless first year crap they've crammed down my throat. I actually enjoyed last year's material, but it was still completely useless foundation crap. So hopefully at this point next year after I score a 270 on my boards I might actually have some real knowledge the next time someone asks me a medical question.
I'd have to say what I enjoy more than anything about medical school so far is that it makes me feel smart. I know that sounds pretty goddamn shallow but hey, there really isn't much that's rewarding in your preclinical years.. the only patients we cure are actors.
Medical school makes you feel smart because they cram so much shit into your head that even though you know that 90% of it is brainless rote memorization bullshit, your head is swelling so much from the "knowledge" and you've paid so much tuition that you start to convince yourself that you're an elite educated being even though you're really worth about as much as the hair on a nurse's ass.
But really I think I kind of just enjoy taking classes and doing pretty well in them. Even though our grades are absolutely worthless in the long run, I like making my mom disproportionately happy when I tell her that I honored a tough class. At Stanford getting A's was easy enough but there were so many truly brilliant people at Stanford I could never feel like a "top" student. Med school is so much different. It's not that students are dumber necessarily. The average is probably smarter. But they're more like robots than brilliant thinkers. People just brute force memorize shit and spit it back out. Nobody ever cares about the why of things, or anything that isn't going to be on the test. Which really annoys me. I don't know how many times I've gotten "I don't know I just memorized it" as an answer to a question.
So I feel pretty smart in med school (so far). Which is really weird because I never feel smart back home. In fact I've never felt at all smart compared to any of my previous roommates or housemates. I always thought I had a shitty memory, and I remember before entering med school last year, promising myself I would study sooo hard, hoping I would be able to just scrape by.
Which brings me to my last point. I don't want to be ent anymore. The field itself seems really exciting and cool (pay is so-so) but the one thing I've realized this summer is that all of these bastards are a little too damned smart for my tastes. There is just way too much E, N and T to learn in 5 years. I've just gotten used to feeling good about myself pretending to be smart and I don't want to go back to being the village idiot again.
Which makes anesthesiology look better and better every day. My favorite line from an interest group lunch meeting speaker last year was "Board scores? Come on, we're anesthesiologists, we're not surgeons."
...
...
Song of the week- Plain White Tees - Hey There Delilah.mp3
4 Comments:
You work too much. You have no more time. The romance is gone.
And you aren't all that smart compared to your previous housemates.
But damn you're sexy.
you can tell everyone the truth that you're really just hanging out at my place
note how i said PREVIOUS housemates. my foothill pals were brighter than you and andrew chang.
you've just been hanging out at hubert's place you slut! get your stuff and get out my house!
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