Waou

This is getting ridiculous. I'm not even on California time anymore. I'm like in fucking Hawaii time. I've been sleeping at 3-5am every night which hasn't been very healthy for my class attendance rate. But last night I went to bed at 2am and couldn't fall asleep until friggin 7:30! @*#%!!! There is nothing worse than lying in bed restless for 5 hours straight.

I don't get it. I'm drowsy all day long but as soon as it hits 10pm I'm wide fucking awake. I lay there in bed and my mind is racing randomly about at 100mph. I preread through 3 lectures at 4am and that still didn't put me to sleep. wtf. It takes me 5 minutes to fall asleep in lecture! I guess my comments to myself are so much more insightful and engaging than my boring professors.

Or maybe it wasn't such a smart idea to be playing Halo3 online with my bros until 4:30 am (6:30 cst) every day for a week back in Cali. hrmm... maybe.

I need to try to ride my 8pm drowsiness wave tonight to get myself back on track.

Above Average

I'm so happy today. My z-score (standard deviations) from my respiratory exam before the break went from -0.06 to 0.04 after they threw out a question. Which means i'm now officially above average- woohoo!

I've been trying to actively curtail the amount of time i spend studying. I realized that my class rank in neuro was a little too damn high and I need to get back to my sweet spot of getting the lowest honors grade with the least amount of studying humanly possible. it's all the same damned oat bag.

On the one hand you'd think i'd be happy with a course rank of 5. But it actually irks me more than anything because i violated my cardinal rule and totally applied myself 100% in that class. Now i know that even when i honestly try i'm still not the best.. even at a mediocre school. goddammit. plus i have to factor in the probable 20 other guys smarter than me that didn't study at all. i miss san jose state :(

the only reason i studied so hard was because they told us honors would be 88%, which makes it a very hard class (~10% get honors). it ended up they changed honors to 85% which makes it a somewhat more fair but not ridiculous course (~20% H). which would have been nice fucking information to know the week before our goddamn final. there's such a huge fucking difference between studying to know >90% of the material to be safe versus 80% material to maintain. That 10% is some trivial ass bullshit. It's the difference between blindly memorizing 90% of 100 arbitrary goddamn drug side effects cold versus being vaguely familiar with each drug name/mechanism. i could have stopped fucking studying and taken a 3 day vacation. assholes.

I miss home. I miss California. I miss my family. I miss... *sigh*

I guess I'm burnt out. I'm so sick of studying. Honestly med school is such a long fucking drag. It's bullshit really. You torture yourself with lectures all morning and then afternoon seminars and then whatever ungodly totalled hours of independent studying, then you take your exam and then 2 days later you've forgotten pretty much everything. Rinse and repeat.

It's pretty fucking sad when you find yourself feeling guilty for ONLY studying 4 hours on a sunday. And for what? A worthless preclinical grade worth jack shit in the long run. The only real enjoyment i get from the whole thing is the 10 seconds out of a phone call to mom where i get to say, "hey guess what i honored blah class". That and maybe a little self-validation for having gotten into med school off of a waiting list and getting tripeat rejections from 200 different schools.

Yea i have decent grades but half the time I don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed. I'd like to think that means i'm smart but deep down i know that all it really means is that i have no life. Should i be proud that i can say i once sat down and brute force memorized 200 arbitrary details and pathways of the hypothalamus, a scary lot of which i couldn't even recognize now? What a fucking loser... that's what any sane person would say.

I've been doing a bit of programming lately and it made me realize how FUN it is to actually do some thinkng and use some creativity, as opposed to brainless memorization. good god i so wanted to punch my anti-arrhythmic drugs prof in the face. i actually enjoy the occasional equations they throw at us because at least they require some cpu power.

People often ask me if medical school is hard? I'm never sure how to answer. It's annoying as fuck, that's my gut answer. But hard? Sure it takes some people 30 hours a week and others 80 hours a week but overall the whole thing is more or less trivial. It's like running a marathon... I'm pretty sure I could do it... but why the hell would you want to?

This whole thing is nothing but a big fucking rat race. With hundreds and thousands of annoying overcompetitive rats. And you've got no choice but to play the game, because you can't very well go into your opthamology residency interview in california and say, "hey, i'm a smart dude, trust me on this. I just didn't feel like memorizing stupid trivia like those other dudes with better scores than me. but you know what, i'm a laid-back chill dude unlike those other guys who are going to be assholes to work with." You have to play the game, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a sell-out. Undergrad gerlad who never studied would be ashamed.

Most of the time when i'm looking at med school applicants i feel like george costanza picking out C students to receive scholarships. I'm like the designated sympathy vote... i have the urge to let in all of the people with shitty-apps like mine who just seem like laid back dudes with potential. I understand the need to "prove" you care... but when half the people really care and the other half just care on paper... what's the goddamn point, really? sure you filter out some lazy asses but probably also a lot of people who might be great doctors but didn't want to go through the bullshit. we might be better served just letting in all cute girls. which i might add should be a fucking law for nursing schools.

I honestly respect and admire the chill dudes in my class with families or those who go to school to drink and study to barely pass much more than i do 80% of the people in the upper quartile... including myself during neuro. Sure a couple of them will match family medicine in wyoming but at least they'll have their dignity.

Anyway, i'm glad i got that out of my system. what the fuck am i even talking about anyway? i'm not sure. i just like to bitch because well... i'm a little bitch. it's really not so bad... compared to starving kids in africa. why didn't i go to law school???

i guess i should get to bed so that i'm not 2 hours late to my 9:00 class again. Gotta stop playing damned scrabulous until 4am.

...

actually i was 2 hours and 15 minutes late because some pig^H^H^Hpolice officer pulled me over for speeding! but he let me go!!! yay for good karma! I was just about to bust out with my "please officer, don't make me take out another loan" line but I think he just got impatient when I couldn't find my insurance.

Happy Thanksgiving

To You
;)

More Brace Yourself

Jeez my blog has gotten a zillion hits in the last few days. I guess a lot of people are searching for last minute vagina costumes.

I really didn't want to put up more pics because frankly i find it rather disturbing looking at myself. I feel like such a cheap ho.

But since Roothie requested to see my sexy legs and I guess since she let me stay in dallas i have to oblige. (You inspired me to eat two salads this week!)

This was my original sketchy costume idea:



But friday was rolling by and it seemed like a little too much work to construct on my own. Somehow, someway my friend convinced me to do twin sexy nurses together, which would have been great except he ended up flaking out on me last minute two nights in a row. hoes before bros and what not. So i ended up flying solo.

* Slutty nurse outfit - $19.99
* Accessory thigh high stalking thingies - free w/ $1 calendar purchase ($6.99 value)
* Marshall's 36B bra w/ cute pink ribbons - $5.99
* Ghetto Walmart brunette wig - $3.99

...



I know... my legs are disturbingly sexy. Still think eva looks better gina (i saw that episode w/ hubert and ruth and she doesn't even compare!)???

I have to say this costume was quite a lot of fun to wear. Hopefully that doesn't make me gay. I would highly recommend it to anyone short on dignity. It's like a free pass to dance all up into the middle of a group of chicks. Everyone wants to take a picture with you and you can get into pissing contests about who's costume is hotter with other nurses.

On a side note, I don't know how girls can go out in skirts. Even with a pair of boxers on I felt so vulnerable, like someone could easily molest me. Which happened. I got a few pinches on the ass... mostly from guys though.

How do girls get guys to buy them drinks so easily?? I tried and tried on girls and guys and mostly they would just laugh at me.

One random chick looked at me and immediately laughed and started grabbing my chest and asked me "Are you a girl?!?!" So I grabbed her boobs back and said "Are you???"

Actually no i didn't do that, the idea didn't occur to me until about 5 seconds after she left. i'm just never quick enough thinking on my feet, dammit.

,,,

Apparently (so someone told me on Monday) some big black dude starting dancing up behind me for a good few seconds... until i turned around and he saw i was a guy and immediately took off. poor bastard.

,,,

Test run at an asian party friday night with mobster and my pal peter parker



I couldn't get my little nurse cap on that night...





Some nurse chicks who i remembered looking a WHOLE LOT better in the dark





The $100 costume contest was totally rigged. I didn't even get nominated, and my costume was way better than all of the runner ups. The winner was a pretty cool hatake kakashi though:



We ran into an inferior (puny-red)spiderman/nurse couple except the dumb ho kept insisting she's an "assassin" ala kill bill.



There was this dude in a full-body skeleton outfit who had some seriously sick dance moves. I accused him of being black (which i could tell from his voice he was), then challenged him to a dance off. Man, he totally obliterated me. Just put my thriller moonwalk and glide moves to shame. This guy was like way better than usher. black dancers >>>>>>>> filipinos

...

Saturday med school party at some packed bar. apparently in a lot of pictures i tried to put out a sexy puckered lips look and it just made me look totally retarded in all of my pics





fuckin cowboy kept on unsnapping my bra "so i could get girls to help me put it back on". not a bad idea except my license and cash kept falling out.





fixing my hair



with a pretty hot nelly



acting gay







getting molested



this pretty much happened all night long...



It was all good clean fun until people kept trying to unzip my dress. then they started putting money into my bra and making me dance for it.



Me feeling used but with ample scholarship/parking money...



they started passing britney's kid around the party



someone's gotta feed the kid



my cheap ass stalkings just wouldn't stay up (more sexy legs)



My hand inadvertently grazed borat's bare ass cheek at the end of the night leaving me traumatized...