Random Question

Who is my regular reader from New Jersey?

Are you by any chance, a hot chick? :)

Asssuming we're not related in any way, of course. Unless you're really REALLY hot.

I'm joking about that last part (I think).

...

I touched my first breast last week, during a clinical exam. I wish I could sit here and make some perverse juvenile comment exhibiting my immaturity and general unworthiness to be a doctor. I wish.

But I can't, because this breast belonged to a man. One sweaty, nasty, stanky behemoth of a man. Soooo gross.

Man, this is the kind of shit they just don't tell you about when you think about applying to medical school. You visualize yourself saving little johnny in the trauma room, reconstructing Granny's hip, or installing wonderful chest upgrades to beautiful but insecure young women.

Never do you picture yourself having to move aside a big ole sweaty manboob so you can do a some palipatations and listen to a few lung sounds. God it was like there was sweat coming out of his every pore. I seriously had to soap and disinfect my stethoscope after that. Traumatizing. I'm proud of myself for being so nice and friendly with him though, small talking and what not, even though I was crying inside.

...

Been eating, and eating... and doing more eating. Life is good.

Except that I may have ruined my break by reading this 12 page thread on "2007 Step 1 experiences"

That shit is starting to stress me out.

Last year I made a stupid little bet with the smartest kid in my class. He's like #1 in almost every course, and we had some bets going on for 25cents/question on exam score grades for which I owe him about 7 bucks from pharm and path.

So anyway, we agreed to bet 5 bucks per point differential on our step 1 board exam, coming up this June. Knowing this a-hole I'm pretty sure he's gonna score a 260. Which means I'm going to have to get a 90th percentile plus score just to stay within a hundred bucks of this prick. Actually, he's a really nice guy. And one of the few whom I would feel confident in caring for a member of my family (I certainly wouldn't feel confident in myself).

In general I feel that a good portion of people actually know more than me and recall old stuff much better than me. I just do better because I'm better at anticipating and answering exam questions. In fact, i think I would make a pretty damn good doctor if people came in with an established differential diagnosis list from which I just had to pick out what they had within a 90 second time frame.

This guys knows a lot more, remembers a whole lot of random crap and generally makes much better decisions than me. Fuckin trifecta. I dunno why he's even at my school and not someplace like Stanford. Anyway, I need to start betting with him on exams again to keep my motivation up for this next semester. I won 3 bucks on the last exam off of some smaller fish who are trying to use me to move up the food chain, so I figure if I can keep suckering them I'll always have money to pay the big dog.

Anyway, i digress, but suffice to say the next 6 months are going to be HELL. But on the bright side, i'm one semester away from being done with my preclinical years! woohoo!

Merry Christmas

To You
;)

Snowing

:)

Not enough time

There just isn't enough time in one day. There are so many things I want to do but I can't. I want to sit on my ass and just sit on my ass all day. I want to be able to read a book if I want to and not have to feel bad about it. Two chicks at one time. Etc etc.

research, dev project 1, dev project 2, mfking mfking mfking classes. goddamn seminars. all of you just get off of my nuts. gym, food, brushing teeth, blow up dolls. everything takes up time. i want so badly to just be a degenerate for a while... like a decade would be nice.

was it too much to ask to just do poorly on a test? All i wanted was a mediocre score, to get the monkey off of my back. i've never been so unprepared for a test before. i only reviewed 3 days of material because i ran out of time. and what do i get. not a great score which would have made me happy, nor a poor score, which i would have deserved, but an annoying, borderline, i can still honor this class score. mfker!

i just wanted to pass this class so i can get my research and other shit done, read some books and enjoy life until christmas.

...

i think our course director hates me. He sees me come into class exactly 12 minutes late every day, except on the days i skip. he knows my name, I know not how. and everytime he passes me he insists on calling me by my first name. "hi gerlad (late rude ass bitch mfker)" "thanks for your exam gerlad (asshole why can't you ever show up on time)" "have a good weekend gerlad (i notice you always skip only my lectures fuckface)" he's so sickeningly nice about it, i think something must be up.

he should actually feel complimented. it's not i dislike his lectures. it's just that unlike the rest of our profs, his notes are so good and clear (to me) it warrants skipping his lectures, which i've been told are great. but i don't need my hand held through bonehead physics like 70% of the class.

he's probably just a really nice guy and i'm paranoid, but at any rate, i don't want to be a pulmonologist anyhow so...

..

oh yeah after the exam i think one of our deans of something MAY have heard me talking shit about him. he kept on making announcements about our second (trivial) exam during the last 10 minutes of our first (real) exam. which was actually pretty tough and time constrained such that almost everyone was running out of time (i am no jeremy). so i was relating how friggin annoying and distracting he was, using subtle words such as "Dr. blahblahblah... and i kept thinking 'SHUT THE FUCK UP!' *aggravated hand gestures*" ... when apparently he walks by some 10 feet to the side of the group because everyone jumps on me to stop talking.

oops. another really nice guy too. on the plus side, even if he had heard, he might not have triangulated me as the source.

...

it's too warm. cold enough that my teeth chatter on the walk to class, but not cold enough to get snow. instead, we're in this limbo where get "freezing rain". Actual 31, feels like 22 bullshit. So instead of pretty white brushable snow i get a 2mm sheet of windshield ice to greet me in the mornings. which made me 15 minutes late! and scraping is not fun.

it did snow for the first time here, last thursday. not enough to collect and it soon turned to sleet, but it was pretty while it lasted. only wish i had someone to walk through the snow with.

bedtime

The Road

I forgot i posted just a while back about randy pausch and not whining and what not. oops. haha

anyway, i am back in a don't take shit for granted phase, thanks to this book


The Road - Cormac McCarthy


Makes you kind of appreciate shit like... i dunno food. ...

i guess in a really shallow way... as in during the time you spend reading the book... i wasn't exactly thinking of africans when i had my lunch today.

Not quite an Angela's Ashes level good book but very good. So good it's a part of Oprah's Boook Club. So good I spend 5 hours today at borders and read it from cover to cover. I kept telling myself, 5 more pages and I'll stop, over and over again. Much like my daily alarm clock 'snooze' button battle.

And i have 2 exams on saturday... FOOOOOCK! i'm so behind.

what am i doing blogging?

This is a new low for me... this isn't even a hard class either.

and my darned prof keeps bugging me to finish my summer resarch arggh.

anyway, nothing really exciting new to add... except that i've recently become a big fan of the sport of Pole Vaulting.

... oh yeah, iz FRIGGIN COLD!!! (not complaining, just statin facts)