the downside of having your test postponed means a saturday exam, which effectively means a one day weekend to recover from a week that was generally low on studying but high on all of the stress from not studying. thank God for the snow storm, i really needed that extra day... i really made good use of it too, at least from 8pm to 3am.
but anyway i'm pretty sure i kicked that test's ass and made some good video game change in the process.
...
the sad part is cleaning out the big binder and filling it in with the next 4 weeks worth of material. Knowing that every new page is a fresh set of pain, a cruel new set of diseases and facts to brainlessly memorize.
i would love med school if it were all physiology. but pathology makes me seriously want to take a handgun and blow my brains out.
i can already feel my brain clearing space by forgetting all of my renal crap. so if anyone has any kidney-specific questions, i'm good for about another 2 or 3 days and then it's gone. Bye bye intimate knowledge of stupid sodium channels and potassium back leak potentials, hypokalemia workups, nephritic/nephrotic proteinurias and blah blah blah. All gone.
i just don't want to learn no more. as much as i dread boards i'm somewhat excited by the prospect of just reviewing a bunch of shit i presumably already know. making the connections in your brain the first time around is always so damn painful.
i've come to the realization that i really, genuinely hate school. i mean, no doubt i feel privileged to be learning this crap. And it IS pretty damn interesting, much of the time. it's cool shit to know. but not as interesting as the latest sports score or playing ping pong or rock climbing.
There's always that sick feeling in your stomach that while you're sitting there studying shit you're just gonna forget in a few weeks, the whole rest of the world is out there, living it up. damn you, you fuckin whole rest of the world.
Out of a typical 4 or 5 week schedule, academically i really only enjoy a scant few days. The days I take an exam and the day I get my grade back. And that's pretty much it. The rest is just a grind, a big mental blur.
I never say it, because it sounds so fucking fake, but I honestly can't wait to actually fucking HELP PEOPLE. Or to at least be around the general vicinity of actual patients, looking like I know something. I just can't wait to get to the point (as a cardiologist during a lunch meeting assured us we would SOMEDAY reach) where I actually know a bunch of shit in my field. Where I'm not being bombarded with an encycolpedia's worth of material every few weeks. So that when i learn new stuff, the pain/learning ratio is low.
..
i think i've used the word 'pain' now like 8 times in this entry. because that's just what I was thinking loading the binder up with the new syllabus material.
Mr. T in rocky making his prediction on the upcoming fight- "Prediction? PAIN." You've been warned hpan. :) the day will come when you will think studying for the mcat was a joke.
...
GI is supposed to be our poorest taught module of the second year too :(
...
i wonder if maybe i wouldn't be so bitchy if I weren't paying something like 200 dollars a day in just tuition expenses.
...
why does bbq in california suck so much compared to out here? i treated myself out to a nice dinner of ribs and rib-eye steak last night. I couldn't afford it, but future gerlad footed the bill. thanks, future gerlad. thanks also for buying me my very own dork
ping pong paddle. I didn't want to pay over $10 bucks for such a stupid expense, but i'd been talking about it so much during the week i had to get it.
...
Went rock climbing today for the first time (vs the amateur bouldering I was doing in the gym). A hell of a lot more fun climbing up down than side to side. Now I just need future gerlad to buy me some climbing shoes and gear. Maybe if I'm a good boy and actually finish some of my research.
It's actually not so bad once you get the hang of it, once you get over the urge to be manly and upper-body power yourself the whole way up. I finished three 5.8 (subjective) rated climbs, which i was told is pretty darn good for a first timer. Damn good workout too. I really thought my forearms were going to fall off. My fingers are all tenderized as well. As soon as I got home I stuffed my hand in the snow for a good minute which felt reaaally good.
...
the snow is melting :(
...
in other news on friday i smashed my all-time chinup record of 10 to... 12 in a row. haven't been working out or anything, i think i finally just decided not to be lazy and put some heart into it.
...
only caught the end of it, but i'm quite amused the patriots lost. not that i care all that much, but we were discussing this with our waiter last night and we all came to the conclusion that brady's life is just way too fucking perfect. we're sitting here miserable memorizing textbooks and serving ribs to fuckers for cheap tips and he's over there looking all handsome, dating supermodels and trying to set records and shit. fuck that.
/cover.jpg)
